Here and Today

Sometimes I feel satisfied with my placement in life. I am happily married, have a stable job in IT and have a roof over my head.
This should be enough.
Shouldn't it?
There are times though, I wish my life had taken a different route and wonder what avenues I could have taken instead.
If only there was a way to peer into another plane of existence, another timeline where I exist as well.
*On First Street I am a writer living in Queens, NY.
*On Second Street I am a director living in Pasadena, CA.
*On Third Street I am a architect living in Auckland, New Zealand.
*On Fourth Street I peer around the corner and wonder where time has gone.

Writing Project

Research items for current writing project:

Casino
Elite Squad [Tropa de Elite]
Entourage
The Godfather I & II
Gomorrah (novel & film)
Goodfellas
The Shield
Sons of Anarchy
The Sopranos (first season)
The Wire (pilot episode)

New rigs, new setups, new devices

Boredom.

While most people get to go around and have fun, go to the beaches on the ocean, hang around peaceful lakes and spend time with friends - I work.
I work, I eat, I sleep and I work.

Sometimes I write, but not often enough. I need a real hobby - writing is a career choice, although more of a side project than anything else.

My new future hobby: range shooting.

Go figure?


Sig 556 (with Sig 550-style furniture)


Glock 30

Post Grad Life Pt. 3

*Just about everyone moves away from our current apartment area, either back home or to other living arrangements.

*Bought and built a new desktop computer, the first new desktop I've had in seven years.

*Haven't lived at home for six years at this point and have been with girlfriend for over three and a half years.

*Co-writing one major writing project as well as producing an animated variety show\comedy website\blog. (I'm the one on the right side of the main picture.) Might also have another co-writing project coming up.

*Been at current apartment for almost two years and actively looking at other apartments to live at.

*Both myself and girlfriend now have full time jobs with benefits.

*Won a bid on a 1997 Jeep Grand Cherokee at an auto auction. Fixed up a bit and now selling for a small profit.

Disobedience in the eyes

I sit here in an uncomfortable wooden chair meant for dinner parties with a cheap liquor and I write.
I write to write, but I also write for financial gain; which is the sad, but honest truth. I am too tired to coast along under the thumb of debt. The same debt just about everyone knows of. I write and write and write. I change and edit, add and remove, simplify and complicate. And with help too.
I would like to live a life free of heavy loan expenditures, constant car repairs and of bigoted backwater crossroads.
Here I see the big picture and smile in the face of it and although it doesn't smile back I find myself filled with hope. The hope that someday I can pull myself out from under that thumb and live the life I truly aspire to have.

A free life.

Dreams and Thoughts

Once I had a dream about making it big in the film industry. That I was a director and a screenplay writer and skilled and well-known for my work. I was respected and praised for what I had accomplished and people eagerly waited the next best thing. It wasn't about the money or the fame, it was the feeling of self-satisfaction that hit me. The bliss of being exactly where I wanted to be. But alas it was only a dream and remains that way for now.

I dream about falling - A LOT. Like from buildings and mountains or tall trees. The uncomfortable moments of having nothing under my feet and then the painful strike of waking so suddenly in a cold sweat.

I used to dream about my past life. It was lots of reoccurring moments and places. Airports, Europe, tiny apartments and what I thought was love. Over time the dreams caught up with reality as though, in a delayed sense of being. It took a full year for the dreams to catch up to the present state of mind. In the dreams I was now unhappy as I was while being awake. It is strange how that works. Happy in the lie or unhappy with the truth? "The blissful cliche."

And last night I seem to remember having a dream about it being winter and being worried about the days getting shorter again...

Dead Ends Are Only for the Damned

He walks the Earth like a lumbering giant of times past. His name is so ancient even the elders cannot say it. It is instead like a whisper of wind or creaking of a bending tree in a lonesome forest. A relic of a hard age - he is all but dead to the modern world. The locals call him a patriot, but his enemies call him a monster. His family believe he's Damned - awaiting his execution at the end of a long quiet road.